On those sad nights I pause briefly in the middle of homework, cleaning up before bed or doing my hair right before the shower and wonder exactly how you left here. Did death sneak up on you like I have always referred to it like a thief in the night and carried your soul off with it? Did you get halfway to where you were going and try to bargain with the reaper?
Other times I wonder if you saw a window of opportunity and walked into the light on your own. Sometimes I wonder if you willingly left all of us behind and I immediately feel guilty and selfish because I get angry.
There there are the times when I wonder if while you sat in that chair did Grandaddy, and Uncle Hilton come for you with their arms outstretched and because you couldn't speak, you gave them the thumbs up sign to let them know you were ready?
These things I will never know and sometimes I am not even 100% sure that I really want to. Some things are better left as a mystery but sometimes I wonder if this is one of those things.
Thinking About You,
Jazz.
