Love Has (Moved from Tumblr 2011)

Love has fucked me RAW,

Produced scrapes and bruises

exposed all of my flaws

and there are still carpet burns on my ass..

Love…has…FUCKED…me..raw

To the point where the loving is insane

but I can’t help but wonder is it worth all the pain?

Losing myself, loving you, losing you, learning to love me

This is all so complicated, and now i’m jaded… confused

because with love there is no rules

no boundaries

and all if fair and love and war…

but love has already fucked me raw

and left its scars and bruises,

ears full of excuses

regret….saddness… love.. has fucked…me…over..and….over…and…over… and now I am Raw

The Waiting Game (Moved from Tumblr 2011)

I’m tired of waiting. I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life on my life to start. I went from being perfectly okay with me, or thinking that I was. Then I fell in love with a boy, smh. Why is it that when you fall in love with a boy, you realize you didn’t know who you were, or either you turn into someone else? I don’t know, whatever the reason…yeah. *shrugs*

I said after that experience I would stay away from these guys. I said I was too weak at that point in my life to be in any relationship so I stayed away from men. I just lived life normal and playing it safe. Now I’m tired. I wanna live like today is my last day. I wanna flirt without feeling that its gonna ruin and taint me. I wanna be able to have expectations and EXPECT those expectations to come true. I wanna dream and actually have those dreams to go somewhere. I want to be in love again and have someone in love with me. I’m just ready to GROW…. and I’m tired of playing this… waiting game.

Dear Ex-Heart (Moved from Tumblr 2011)

Dear You

I find it utterly ridiculous that I have to re-release your ass every year. Why the hell can’t you just stay out of my head? Stay out of my life too. Take all of your memories, your damn birthday wishes, your voice, your laugh… take all of that shit back. Listen, I’m not bitter, I wish you the best. I wish myself the best as well. I don’t need you sending none of your luck over here though. I can handle me and mine on my own. Just stay the fuck out of my life, and out of my head and I’ll kindly FORGET about your ass. Thanks!

Sincerly,

The Best Thing You Ever had and Will Ever have.

These Are The Days (Moved from Tumblr 2011)

I try to hold it down… because this is the me that you never want to see. I’m fierce, and I show my teeth. Not to scare you but with intentions to bite. Back me into a corner and I’ll come out swinging. Hit first. Questions last.

This is the me that you never want to see. Those days when I really don’t give a fuck, and I deflect bullshit over my shoulder and don’t give a fuck what your problem is.

because these are the days that being in charge of myself is more stressful than keeping up with everyone else.

ANGRY Moved from Tumblr. (2011)

I am so angry
I know I’m not supposed to question you

Ask you why you do the things you do

Or why these things keep happening

but Lord I am running out of anger to battle all the bullshit around me with.

Every time I get my head on straight somebody tries to play me like I’m stupid,

they manage to piss me off, somebody gets sick, somebody dies, and the youth just

keep on making stupid choices. Most of this I cannot control but Lord I AM SO ANGRY!

I’m ANGRY that so many people have been taken from me, or from those around me. I’m Angry that So many people are sick. I AM ANGRY, that people are making stupid decisions-killing,stealing etc. I feel yanked back and forth, I feel like a puppet, I feel like half the time I am supposed to be a mime and I am FED UP. I am FILLED TO MY RIM!!!!!!

This…. i just want to close my eyes and fast forward. This is getting Ridiculous.

R.I.P.

Uncle Arthur

Suzie G.

Heavy D.

Hell….everybody it seems like..smh.

There Here And Now-My Work Speaks For Me.

I wish people would enjoy people for who they are right here, right now in this very moment. People spend too much time hanging on to the past and who a person was back then, failing to realize that people change. Recently I have decided to make a change in my life. I'm not sure what prompted it. I just know that I spent some alone time thinking about my "IT" and realize that whatever "IT" is, I'm nowhere close to obtaining "IT". I was complacent for a minute, but like so many times before, I've been awakened. I'm not sure what the next step is, other than deciding to let my work speak for me. When I say work, I mean my actual job, things going on in my life.. I choose to let them speak for me. I don't like spending time trying to justify myself verbally to man who will never believe me. This next thought may be incorrect BUT I really despise trying to convince others of my worth. I feel like I shouldn't have to and I expect people to know. What better way to let them know than letting my work speak for me?

In His Face

I can't escape him. He hides in the mirror, in pictures, in the face of my younger brother... he's everywhere! My father has been on my mind lately. I don't know why. This happens every once in awhile when I start feeling overwhelmed. Looking around at my apartment, I think that time is now. It doesn't take much mental stress for me to start laying things around and not picking them up. I honestly believe that this is my mind's way of coping with what could possibly cause a mental break. It's common knowledge that the body heals itself, creates its own defense mechanisms, and also creates diversions from real life problems. I hate to sit around and wait for my problems to find and attack me. I prefer to get them first!