The lamp

Before I moved into this apartment, I went to Ikea and purchased a curvy, white, paper lamp that required two bulbs. I only bought it because it was cute. At the time I didn't care if it was bright enough. I didn't care if it would fit the decor, or even if anybody else would like it. I just knew that it was funky and I wanted it.

I walked past that same lamp today and remembered upon moving in, those things I didn't care about became an immediate concern. What if it wasn't bright enough? What if I needed more light? What if it didn't fit in with the decor of the apartment? What if people thought it looked tacky or that it wasn't nice?

It must have been the nervousness that caused me to second guess my first decision. Instead of getting another lamp, I insisted on letting that one lamp stand by itself, convincing myself that it was perfect and enough light. The thought occured to me today, that just like my fear that the light I adored before was suddenly not enough light was about more than about just a light.

That lamp is a lot like me... I think. Sometimes I'm so sure that my light is enough to shine and fix what is going on with others or enough to fix what is wrong within myself that I don't mind sitting in the dark for a while.I would rather stand dim than depend on someone else whose voltage may not last as long, (which was the reason I gave myself for not buying another lamp. I was concerned that it would be a waste of electricity because I would have to use them both and the other one would die faster which would mean the lamp would be left all alone in the end anyway).

I'm that lamp... People are the other form of light. I'm sure that though my light may be dim, I know its energy saving powers, and I'm "just enough" light to get by while those other forms of light are probably going to be more trouble than they are worth.

I don't know where this came from. It just randomly popped into my head. Maybe this makes sense and maybe it doesn't. However, my mind is full and this just took off the first sip to keep it from overflowing.