Blowing off steam

It's a possibility that I got too real for you,
Got in my car, left you in the rear view
'cause I couldn't get a feel for you.

Not sure where your head is
But I don't trust that you have good intentions.
as if, destroying me and my goals is one of your missions.

I wouldn't doubt that you counted on me being blind to you
thought you could flex a little and smile a lot,
hoping it would put a shine to you.

Trying to hide behind the shine lets me know that you're fake
act like your my personal cheerleader when I know that you ain't.
halo over your head, but you ain't no saint.
Hope you catch me slippin so you can step up in your rank.

your words been falling on deaf ears
doing you a favor 'cause your words can end your career.
obviously its me you lash out at in fear,
so you create lies to make sure the others don't hear.

It's true what my mom say,
they hate to see you strong
love to see you doing bad so they can pretend to drag you along.
I'm moving on.....

I Was Colder Than December.

I was colder than December
In the dead center of winter
Heart iced up like it had a sprain.
no longer interested in him or his games,
I was silent.
First thoughts were violent
second thoughts: Karma is a bitch. You'd better let God be yo co-pilot
so I kept quiet and remained STILL.

I let the mystery build
as his fate was sealed.
and his mouth was lying
and the rims of his eyes filled with fake tears from fake crying
and my chest heaved from restraint and sighing
while his shoulders shrugged, giving away his true emotion

Pretending to be filled with so much love and devotion,
he could care less about the feelings i had to express
or that I had given my heart, the very beat in my chest

The look that peeped from behind that mask was indifference
it said that this was the second time around and i'd be a fool to think the 3rd would b any different
That this would not be the last time where he attempted to fill me up beyond my capacity with promises unkept.
that this would not be the last time he would creep out on me while i slept
thinking that this love was safe.

No longer confused I had to shut him down,
somewhere in between his words the truth had been found.
I could no longer live a lie when the truth was so clear.
he had everything he needed but what he wanted wasn't here.

It ain't where he's at its where he wants to be,
and obviously it wasn't with me,
so like a caged bird I released him into the wild,
while he looked confused, I smiled.

I was colder than December,
in the dead center of winter.
Heart iced up like it had a sprain
and I was free, done playing his game.

He's Loving Him

An anger burned deep in her belly,
her words came hard and fast like bullets
but rained over me in a flood threatening to drown us both in negativity
A gray smog was overhead that threatened her sanity.

"How could he?" she asked me.
"When I Loved him with every part of me,
was willing to climb mountains to snag the moon and part the red sea?
Give him jewels from my womb, and willing to name my first son after him
how could he?

When I feel like I have spent several lifetimes chasing him
when we were slaves in one life and I was separated from him
only to finally think i have him,
but end up in love, stuck, now a slave TO him,
how could he?"

Her eyes looked up at me full of hurt and question,
How could I explain God's divine intervention?
That maybe this was yet another lesson,
or everything we think we want is the opposite of what we need.
How could I tell a woman this who is carrying that man's seed?

"I can't fix this," she said.
"I love him like a part of my flesh but even love has its limits,
This is more than just being intimate,
he gave more to him than to me and I'm not feeling it.
He's loving him so now who's loving me? she asked."