A Dream (Moved From Tumblr 2011)

Had a dream that I died. It was strange. I remember thinking as I walked up to the snow white gates, “Is this Heaven? Could I have really made it?” As I walked upon clouds, they suddenly turned into streets of gold. To my left and two my right where buildings that were extravagantly built, showing billboards of every concert that was occuring. I stumbled into one and found Amy Winehouse, dressed in all white singing on the stage. I sat down between Billie Holiday and Tupac. I thought about asking him if heaven had a ghetto but he had his pen on his lap, writing a new poem on paper. Ray Charles was playing the piano and Marilyn Monroe was sitting in the front row. Aaliyah and Left Eye were sitting behind me side by side.

IT was crazy.

I left and entered another building with marble floors. The room was empty but My poster was on stage. I took my poetry book out of my bookbag and sat on the stool.

But tonight, where's the vodka? (Moved from Tumblr 2010)

I want to…scream. i want to yell into my head is threatening to pop off my body. I want to cry until I feel better, until my eyes are red and round with tears. I was so close. I want to punch things, kick things, threaten people and even throw my shoes… but what would that fix? I’m not going to do any of those things because they don’t solve anything. I refuse to admit any weaknesses aloud. only typed or printed. So to the outside world, its fuck it. yet inside its so damn close but yet so far away. SMH. Damn can’t things just be simple.. for once? Why do I have to balance and work so hard for everydamn thing? LOL, how spoiled does that sound. Tonight I internally grieve. Tomorrow… fuck that shit. But tonight…where’s the Vodka?

Love Has (Moved from Tumblr 2011)

Love has fucked me RAW,

Produced scrapes and bruises

exposed all of my flaws

and there are still carpet burns on my ass..

Love…has…FUCKED…me..raw

To the point where the loving is insane

but I can’t help but wonder is it worth all the pain?

Losing myself, loving you, losing you, learning to love me

This is all so complicated, and now i’m jaded… confused

because with love there is no rules

no boundaries

and all if fair and love and war…

but love has already fucked me raw

and left its scars and bruises,

ears full of excuses

regret….saddness… love.. has fucked…me…over..and….over…and…over… and now I am Raw

The Waiting Game (Moved from Tumblr 2011)

I’m tired of waiting. I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life on my life to start. I went from being perfectly okay with me, or thinking that I was. Then I fell in love with a boy, smh. Why is it that when you fall in love with a boy, you realize you didn’t know who you were, or either you turn into someone else? I don’t know, whatever the reason…yeah. *shrugs*

I said after that experience I would stay away from these guys. I said I was too weak at that point in my life to be in any relationship so I stayed away from men. I just lived life normal and playing it safe. Now I’m tired. I wanna live like today is my last day. I wanna flirt without feeling that its gonna ruin and taint me. I wanna be able to have expectations and EXPECT those expectations to come true. I wanna dream and actually have those dreams to go somewhere. I want to be in love again and have someone in love with me. I’m just ready to GROW…. and I’m tired of playing this… waiting game.

Dear Ex-Heart (Moved from Tumblr 2011)

Dear You

I find it utterly ridiculous that I have to re-release your ass every year. Why the hell can’t you just stay out of my head? Stay out of my life too. Take all of your memories, your damn birthday wishes, your voice, your laugh… take all of that shit back. Listen, I’m not bitter, I wish you the best. I wish myself the best as well. I don’t need you sending none of your luck over here though. I can handle me and mine on my own. Just stay the fuck out of my life, and out of my head and I’ll kindly FORGET about your ass. Thanks!

Sincerly,

The Best Thing You Ever had and Will Ever have.

These Are The Days (Moved from Tumblr 2011)

I try to hold it down… because this is the me that you never want to see. I’m fierce, and I show my teeth. Not to scare you but with intentions to bite. Back me into a corner and I’ll come out swinging. Hit first. Questions last.

This is the me that you never want to see. Those days when I really don’t give a fuck, and I deflect bullshit over my shoulder and don’t give a fuck what your problem is.

because these are the days that being in charge of myself is more stressful than keeping up with everyone else.

ANGRY Moved from Tumblr. (2011)

I am so angry
I know I’m not supposed to question you

Ask you why you do the things you do

Or why these things keep happening

but Lord I am running out of anger to battle all the bullshit around me with.

Every time I get my head on straight somebody tries to play me like I’m stupid,

they manage to piss me off, somebody gets sick, somebody dies, and the youth just

keep on making stupid choices. Most of this I cannot control but Lord I AM SO ANGRY!

I’m ANGRY that so many people have been taken from me, or from those around me. I’m Angry that So many people are sick. I AM ANGRY, that people are making stupid decisions-killing,stealing etc. I feel yanked back and forth, I feel like a puppet, I feel like half the time I am supposed to be a mime and I am FED UP. I am FILLED TO MY RIM!!!!!!

This…. i just want to close my eyes and fast forward. This is getting Ridiculous.

R.I.P.

Uncle Arthur

Suzie G.

Heavy D.

Hell….everybody it seems like..smh.