Kanye West "Runaway"....Pt. 1 of 2

Kanye is... um... I don't know what to think about that "Runaway" video I just saw. The fact that he didn't do something that everyone does draws me to it. The fact that I'm not quite sure I understand it makes me run from it.

When you ask me... what I truly feel about Kanye's video I have to be graphic:

I feel like... He went inside me, dug super deep pulled out, left his impression but neglected to give me a release. I feel like he balled up my brain and then gave it back to me for me to use.

Those are my current thoughts of how I feel about the video since I don't yet understand it all.

Don't contact me/ Not in the mood to write..

I've been sitting here thinking about what I want to write and can't think of anything. I'm trying though because I know that I need to. So here is my attempt.

How can I change you?
I want you to be so much more
than you want to be
you want to lock me down, but you still wanna be free.
Let me go so I can fly with the birds
Let me go in more than one sense, not just words.

i don't want you thinking about me
I don't want you to call
I don't want you to text me
please don't contact me at all

Our time is up
I want you in the past
Don't care what you're family said
All of ya'll can kiss my ass

They don't know our story
because even you werent in the know
I was doing this all by myself
and now to hell you can Go

i don't want you thinking about me
I don't want you to call
I don't want you to text me
please don't contact me at all

This story has been written in ink
and aint no damn erasin
It's got down all the details
your drinking and your women chasin

My truth, your lies
those tears that I cried
my revenge when I kicked your car door in
this is all in red
Now there's nothing but black roses for ths relationship
because its dead.

Once again,

i don't want you thinking about me
I don't want you to call
I don't want you to text me
please don't contact me at all

Bullet in the chamber,
hand on the trigger
trembling as I contemplate self-emancipation,
Peace for everybody? wondering about this dream I've been chasin'
I still didn't get high enough to achieve my goals
and I'm 6 months off of free-basin,'
quit the needle cold
picked up my pen no pencil so there'll be no erasin,
re-writing my life, using myself as my own motivation

Started doing just fine once I used my God as inspiration,
Saw exactly what his plan is for me. I'm his perfectly imperfect creation.
I keep the blinders on for the ones who practice their persuasion,
I'm usually on the right track though I get swayed on occasion.
I'm focused like I'm getting paid to live and it's amazin'.
I lit a fire to the grass around my feet because I'm moving so fast
you can call it a run for liberation
bra burning and blazing.
Fighting for equality and a new life
and I'm not asking for the shit, I'm takin' it...

Where Is My Respect?

The pic above does NOT belong to me.

Where is my Respect?

Give it to me,
Have I not earned it?
Swallowed my pride, closed my eyes and kept my mouth closed.
Threatened to lose my sanity, spared you my profanity, gave in to the vanity.
dressed in the six inches, wore the long weaves, and wore nothing but the best name brand clothes
all the things that I said I'd never do or succumb to.

And I did all of this for you...
to impress you or allow you to be the man while I sat quietly
told the world of how you were my pride and that you inspired me

Where is my RESPECT

When I...

told them that without your strength I was nothing
and without you bringing home all of the bacon I didn't know where I would be
Gave you my unconditional love and my undeniable support,
all of those times you were in and out of court, who sat by your side?
when the police where looking for you, who stood their ground and didn't hide?

Who pushed you from behind when you thought you couldn't go on?
Raised your kids, cooked your meals, Worked my fulltime job and catered to you after yours?
Who was with you when you were working for your 40 acres and a mule? When there were no fancy ass tractors just simple hand made garden tools. Hosed down and attacked by dogs right along side you when we marched for OUR rights...

So Where is my DAMN respect?

When I've been your rib, and at times even your backbone
I was your biggest supporter and now its a sad song

cause in today's times all I've been called is your bitch or your hoe
your object of lust-filled affection and tossed to the side after you've used me.
I'm a notch on your belt or a bragging right so that you can say you "did me"

Where is my respect?

Whatever happened to being your black queen or your right hand?
Now it seems as if all I am, is an object in your mind, a possession that you don't have just one of, as if I'm not special or is it that I have just depreciated and lost my value on my own?

While I used to sit high on my throne, I now open my legs not for the pleasure of my husband or to multiply, but for mankind to put a place on my honeypot, 1st, 2nd,or 63rd.

Now we can't get mad at the obvious,and after all, words are just words... right?
We can't get mad when we were living in the dark and someone chose to turn on the light
We don't care 'cause what's out of mind is usually first out of sight,
and fleeting thoughts don't stick
and when this one or that one is gone, we are on to the next quick...
and Respect or self respect is the last thing on our minds

Um..Bug chasers? What in the name...

So, apparently there are people who call themselves bug chasers. When I first heard this, I thought about those people who are always following around tornados and such...what are they? Storm chasers? Anyway,I thought there was a group of people running around chasing bugs until I realized, wait, aren't there already people who do that? Anthropologists I think, not sure.

Bug Chasers are:
Individuals who seek the HIV virus in HOPES of catching it. Yes, I said, IN HOPES of catching it!

Possible Reasons:
Sympathy HIV. Perhaps a friend or close family members have HIV and the virus-free individual has guilt or feels as if it should have been him/her and decided to take matters into their own hands.
Control. Perhaps people think that they will contact the HIV virus regardless and want to have control over it...

I dont know. Whatever the case may be... I can't just say, "OMG these people are horrible PEOPLE!" because these people who are looking to contract HIV are sick. They need help, some sort of counseling in my opinion. I think of these people with the same respect that I would think of a person with a eating disorder or schizophrenia. This is something they can't help and they need help.

I was watching a Youtube video of my friend's today... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLyUJ5Yb5Qk and he speaks about this and also mentions a little bit about his struggle with HIV. This is where this topic comes from.

WOW... I never expected to hear this.

Latest and Greatest inspirtation

You motivate me,
you make me want to be your everything and your all
to be available for your every beck and call...

I'm not sure if you know it,
or if I even show it
but
you are my latest and greatest inspiration.

How many people can say they can love and appreciate the cost
that they pay for the love of another
if it ain't a sister or brother then I'm usually not hearing it.

I'm not sure if you know it,
or if I even show it
but you are my latest and greatest inspiration.

I apologize

I can't apologize away the pain you must feel,
since I decided to be fake and not to be real.
Love isn't a sure thing and since I felt it for him
and not you I had to go.
The most decent thing to do would have been to let you know.

I'm sorry that I continued to lead you on
sayin how much I loved you when the other man had already won.
Waiting until you slept so that I could creep out at night and vise versa,
believe it or not, I lied so I wouldn't hurt ya.

i apologize that I couldn't make myself stay,
but you've gotta know I tried.
Don't know how many nights I lay there and cried
but you gotta understand, I'm in love with someone else
and I'm feeling something in me that I have never before felt.

I know I can never make you understand the difference between you and my new man
'cause he doesn't try to make me feel special, or hold my hand,
he just does.
He doesn't pretend to try to be there or say that he will,
he just is or he was.

Now don't get it confused, those basketball games tickets with you were fun,
but the candelit conversations were better,
Just like velvet is nice but I prefer leather.

I can't apologize away the pain I must have caused,
I can't hit rewind, nor can I hit stop, pause, or play.
I can't redo tomorrow, I can only focus on today...

Goodbye.

Fall or Fly?

The ledge on which I stand is steep
and the more I look down the more I grow afraid to leap.
I'm not used to someone catching me when i fall
I'll hit fall down, hit my knees and crawl
before that happpens.

Now I'm asked to leap out on faith
even though my courage got poured out somewhere
and my wings are in the shop.
however my nerves have not taken a vacation.
so now I'm filled with anticipation.
amxiousness hung over me like a long shadow...

Either fall...or Fly

Which one is it?