Wanting

There have been times where I have wanted something physical or material that I could literally feel what it would be like to have it. I mean, I guess it's like wanting that new ipod so bad you can almost feel it in your hands everytime you watch a commercial. I've been like that about things before but mine has been emotional feelings.

What's weird is sitting around and feeling some kind of way and not being able to express it. I could be so happy sometimes and have no clue what to do to relieve that feeling. I can almost feel myself happy enough that I could just scream but I won't do it. Lol. I don't know if I won't do it because I'll feel stupid or embarrassed or if I just...can't.

On the opposite end, sometimes I can be so sad but I can't cry. The tears won't fall but I want the relief so bad I can feel the tears running down my cheeks even though they are still dry. I'm assuming on my end its just pent up emotion that I've only allowed myself to acknowledge this year. How I'm feeling at the moment though? Well, laugh when you can, cry when you need to, and smile through it all. lol.