Expectations

Since I was born, I'm pretty sure everybody has had expectations for me. Perhaps I've always been watched under the microscope by those waiting to see if I will make a mistake or if I'll fail. It's crazy because up until a few years ago I thought I was running this rat race called life for me until I realized that I had spent all my years doing what everybody else expressed I should do. People said I would be an excellent English teacher, I majored in English, etc. For the longest I let people dictate who I was and once I figured out that I could fail and the whole world was not going to end, I decided to do what I wanted to do. A lot of the time the decisions that I made were decisions that were made for someone else. From now on I make my own decision. I have even higher expectations for myself.

Keep on blessing me

Lord, I'm so in debt to you that I know I can never repay you,
everytime I look around and see how much others are blessed
I feel I must get this off of my chest.
I don't pray "pretty" or have a whole bunch of fancy divine names,
and I don't have a whole bunch of "let me pray better than thou" kinds of games.
I'm saying all of this to you with a purpose.
Even when I'm broken, head hung down and feeling worthless,
I know that you'll be there.
When no ones else will be and others let me down,
when they trade me in for others
you'll never forsake me.

I know that I was created for your use
and because I was made with a focus
I know you will shelter me from any abuse.
I mean, I don't have any pretty names to call you,
or fifty million words to let others know how great you are
but I do have a living image
The fact that I am hear and willing to do your work is my testimony
that one day I'll do exactly what you knew that I always would
that I'll bask in the glory
for doing the Lord's work and I was good
At it.
I don't havy any long and divine games, and I don't pray or praise pretty
but you accept me for who I am
And I love you
and thank you for your blessings
and please keep blessing me.

Love ain't Free

They feed us this foolishness about love being free
but its an untruth
I'm not talking about sex or paying for it I'm talking about actual LOVE. Love does cost us something. Most of the time it happens so fast we just don't realize it...


Love aint free

They tell you that love is supposed to be free
and it can provide you with most if not all of your needs
but no matter who you love there is always some cost
whether its the friends that you sacrificed, or the soul that you gambled,
whether its the time that you wasted or the mind that you lost
Nothing is for free...

You can give the best part of you and have someone take all that you can give
the very heartbeat in your chest but they expect you to live
while they are survived by 2
and your's is the strongest and won't give theirs to you
see its amazing how we will sacrifice our lives for a love we thought was free
and claim it unconditionally but neglect to love ourselves

Willing to go through all types of shit and mental hell just to have someone to say they love us with no gaurantee that they mean it.
starve ourselves of self-love because their love is like our food and water because we say we need it
And some will sell their souls just to have a warm body in their beds,
rather walk around soul-less than be single they said
rather be hollow than let my hearttake the backseat to my head
and without him or her I'd just rather be dead.

Love ain't free
No matter what Disney says and how many kings found their Queens and Queens found their Kings and lived happily ever after
The only part of the fairytale that i believe is true,
is that you've got to kiss what u believe to be a frog to get your prince and you have to kiss a few.
And even then its a gamble.
a lot for you to handle
because its cost may be more than the gain...

Life ain't a fairytale, love ain't free, and neither is a game.


©Poetically Receptive

So perfect yet so flawed

How is it that you're so "perfect"
yet so flawed?
Like fancy welded forks from the dollar store
You're only for a one day use
it's all good to show you to company
but if i use you again my mouth suffers from abuse
your paint chips, the metal rusts and you bend into positions I never knew existed
mama told me about the cheap spoons and forks- wish I would've listened.
So now I'm in this kitchen with a bunch of SHIT that I can't use
wanna buy the fancy shit but I'm afraid I'll lose it or that I won't use it
or it will lose me...
You're so "perfect"... but yet so flawed?



Funny how we put so much value in these men or these women and some of them are nothing more than pretty welded forks and spoons from the dollar store. Not made of the stuff they need to be made out of to last. They lack quality...smh.

Feeling some Kinda way :-/

I'm definitely feeling some kind of way and I have got to get this off my chest. UGH. Anytime I talk to them or him or whoever... I get this, "what if" feeling that I just don't want to deal with. Sometimes I wonder why God made those feelings because most of the time a person can be fine with what they have decided, but them damn what ifs make them try to go back or change their mind. Then they are in a boat with no paddle or life jacket trying to swim.

So there's this guy... like in my mind I know it would have never worked. I'm positive that it wouldn't have. I just wonder what it would have been like even in a relationship with you it was turmoil. There was always something sneaky behind the scenes going on and I felt it... Still is, but it's not my concern anylonger... I'm just feeling some kinda way about it. It'll pass though...it always does.

Saying Goodbye.

Saying goodbye...
one of those things I'm not so good at. My goodbyes are nothing sweet and nowhere near pretty. I just sort of, disappear or let you disappear. Goodbyes are hard. It's like saying I won't see you anymore ever and sometimes though it is the right thing, its also the hardest thing. Or it's not right or fair but there is no choice. Letting go is something that just has to be done sometimes... and I thought about this now because I am about to let go again....it's time.

I need a musician

I need a musician

one who is good with his fingers and knows how to pluck the strings, tap the drum heads, and stroke the keys
see I love it when he's concentrating, head tilted to the side, guitar on his lap, strap around his shoulder tapping his feet
or when he's comfortable and relaxed
long fingers across the ivory keys

The way he
bites his lips when the music is good to him
performing with his soul and penetrating mine
or when he fingers his keyboard with the fury of an orgasmic release
causing my knees to weaken but at the same time bringing me peace.

I need a musician
with the appreciation of another artist
one willing to match my words with his music
no matter how chaotic
with something melodic

I need... a musician.

Another Pill

I've swallowed yet another pill,
and no one knows my pain.
I feel it travel down my throat
and wait for the effects to reach my brain.
Clearly I am looking for a way out
others can call it running away
but they don't know what this is about
but assume that i'll be okay

Numbness travels from my feet and reaches up to my arms,
at this point i have no feelings
and most would be alarmed
but I'm used to numbing myself so I won't feel the pain
and going to another place where no one knows my name.

I've swallowed yet another pill
and no one knows my pain.
I 've swallowed another one
and now i can't feel the pain.
Just one more and no one knows my name
and is it your negligence that makes you to blame?

Still in Love With Me

No matter how hard you fight it
you're still in love with me
when you hear a song play on the radio or see a chick the same complexion as me on TV
I know I'm there
In your mind hiding around the corner from your girl
she has you in body but i make up your world.

When I don't call I know I'm in your head and when your breath catches when you hear from me I know I'm in your heart
and I know you're still in love with me.
even if you're not with me... you're still in love with me...

because that love never falls away.

Til Death do us part

Tears are falling from my eyes,
and you won't listen to how I'm feeling
you won't answer my calls and I can't fix it alone
it's been 4 months, 3 weeks, 2 days and about 20 minutes since you've been gone
and all of that time i've been watching my fone,
waiting on that Keyshia Cole ring tone
but the phone is silent...

the way things ended was violent,
you screamed, i screamed, broke a vase, scratched your face, turned over some kitchen chairs and a few hate yous later you were single and so was I
Now what kind of man promises to love you and then lies?
what kinda woman promises to be your soldier and cries
at the first sign of trouble I asked myself this question...
i thought that you in my life would be that blessing i'd been praying for
because you were that love i couldn't ignore...
i took this as my sign

and now i wanna fix it,
I can't wind back the hands of time
where i was your everything and you were mine
I can't erase our infedilities or our insecurities
or make believe that everything was perfect from the start
but it's til death do us part and for better or worse
and in my heart you still come first
and my well runs dry and without you near i thirst.

I'm not leaving and neither are you...
Til death do us part.